It's Sunday afternoon..the snow outside gives a him a glamorous different view from the outside window..Inside the house you can hear Jonathan Cain in the background, smell the Porto wine and feel the warm..It is not only a small studio flat but more, a place of memories and feelings. Blake sat down at his writing table and began to write bites and pieces of his life story.. some as he remembers and some as he wants to forget..
" Sometimes friendship hurts ".. a title in the magazine I read , got my attention. It was about a theater play that was about to happen in the city where I was. Still standing you - a duet about a vague yet challenging spectrum of emotions - was mentioned also; a search & pure reflection of one's position in relation to the other person.
The play, described in the article as an antithesis of a friendship relationship between 2 men makes the reader wonder if the 2 were friends or enemies.. the more I read the more I found myself in the article.
I identified 'the other man' and all the memories were coming back&out of me like the crazy snow show that was happening outside. I remembered Jack...Jack and I had a very challenging relationship, up and down, low and high but never in between, that was how our friendship was.
One impulsive like the fire ready to burn anything in the way but with a heart full of red love and like the flames never to vanish and one thriving on slowness, lost and full of dark.
That was me and Jack.. I was always talking too much and he always knew how to listen , driving me crazy with his restlessness.. Sometimes..what I am saying..all the time we were a constant conflict of love and hate , others described it.
We had moments of pause in our relationship but somehow we always made it back to each-other we linked again , but never arriving to a compromise and never talking about what really made us pause..
This story of me and Jack is about the beauty of friendship and as in the play,it is about "the zest of life". We had many rough moments along the way, as a proof that intense relationship can sometimes hurt.
When I look back at what happened, I realize how far away 'we developed along the same lines and where we differ now'.
Me and Jack learned a lot from each-other and for most of the times not in a easy way, we suffered and we prayed , we shared and we cared..we were like 'black-and-white thinking''..."Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places" - that is why our relationship lasted, I found and unveiled Jack's secrets and I have been the one that sow through him..
Negative thoughts and feelings feed from our intentions , the more we look into your intentions the more we give into the target and in the end its not what we think , is that we think. If the quality of the thinking is low , it is a clue that we are not on the right track, the things people do, are always a perception of their understanding..There are things that we couldn't do, there are things that we did, there are things that people hate and love.
I knew Jack deserves more, and Jack believed we deserve more. But in the end, the relationship we had, left its seeds in our memory for every single moment we shared. Someday they will grow into trees that keeps us in a peaceful shadow of good old days, I hope...we're all stories in the end..So now we both ignore each-other and pretend the other person doesn't exist but we both know it wasn't supposed to end like this..
But there’s no way to know anything for sure. I’m trying to see that as a beautiful thing and not as something so immensely terrifying that it is actually hard for me to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe I’m over thinking it. Maybe none of us have that much control. If we stayed in the relationship, it was the right thing to do and if we left it, that, too, was the right thing to do. Or either way, we’ll probably never know.
Relationships are about betraying yourself or compromising your ideals for someone else’s approval. That’s actually the bad kind of it, but I guess it all blurs together when you’re young or when you’re old or when you don’t love yourself.
Someone wrote "Indifference is the real killer of love and the true antithesis." and now I know what he meant. " It's not the goodbye that hurts but the flashbacks that follow.."
Before too late.. before too long.. let's try to take it back before it all went wrong..Jack told me this once and we tried and tried , talk it all out and burn it in the wind of a summer day, but nothing is that simple, neither too complex, it is just transforming until you don't know yourself anymore.
Looking back it was the worst and the best friendship I ever had and never wish to have again..
Phosphorescent - "Song for Zula" :
It's Sunday afternoon..the snow outside gives a him a glamorous different view from the outside window..Inside the house you can hear Jonathan Cain in the background, smell the Porto wine and feel the warm..It is not only a small studio flat but more, a place of memories and feelings. Blake sat down at his writing table and began to write bites and pieces of his life story.. some as he remembers and some as he wants to forget..
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